5 FUN facts about Spanish COLONIZATION! (2023)

Introduction

Today, DJ Peach Cobbler talks about that time those guys with those funny hats met those other guys with funny hats. The spanish and the aztecs, I think? dunno, don't care, let's talk aliens.

They're real. This Grusch stuff? Insane. Real. I wonder what those guys eat?

Anyway, I think this is the best aesthetic of any of my videos, by far. Expect more in this style, I absolutely adore it. DJ Peach Cobbler History Rome Aztec Spanish y'know how these things go I do apologize I'm just on my grindset how are you? How did I make this so fast? That's for the autopsy to decide! DJ Peach talks history!

Please unban me from the twitter daddy musk it was so fun.

Credits:

Music
z3r0 - 8bit Syndrome | 8bit Horror - COPYRIGHT FREE MUSIC

Sound effects
8-Bit Retro Video Game Sound Effects 1

Video

Hello there my tasty little advertising goblins between the years, 1517 and 1522, a young man by the name of Bernal Diaz del Castillo, sailed from the newly established Spanish colony of Cuba on several Expeditions and uh, you might not know him because he wasn't Ponce de Leon or Hernan Cortez nor Christopher Columbus Diaz was never in charge of these Expeditions.

But he was there.

He was there from the initial contact between Spanish and Aztec subjects all the way to the fall of the Aztec empire itself.

Of course, many men would go on to write about Cortez's conquest of the Aztecs in the decades after it happened.

This pissed Diaz off because according to him, uh, they were wrong.

They either lied for a personal gain or did shoddy work and made continuous and egregious errors in their writings.

So in his 80s, Diaz sat down in his Twilight years to record what he experienced and I think it's.

The coolest book I've ever gotten because he wasn't a historian nor was he an accomplished General bragging about his great Deeds.

He was just an old Soldier.

And he wrote like one, he talked about the big historical events and the quality of the bread on the ships.

He talked about the social structures of the native tribes.

And the politics of who got to lead the expeditions I have five stories today from his account I have a spooky story.

A story about axes a story about oranges, a story about a dog and a story about an animal that ate gold.

And each one is more insane than the one before it.

The first fun fact, I have to share with you about Spanish colonization is that the Spanish had a thing for gold all right number four, I'm being sarcastic, obviously, if you know anything whatsoever about the Spanish and their colonies in the new world, you know, the three G's, which was disappointingly, not a Rap Trio from the 90s, guns, God and gold while camping at the mouth of tonala river.

The Spanish noticed that many natives wore intricate and decorated, gold axes on their hip.

Of course, the natives eagerly traded beads for them.

And the Spanish ended up with around 600 of these axes it's quite the hall.

Huh? Now, of course, Spanish law at the time was that the crown received one-fifth of all new world treasure.

This was known as the Royal fifth, however, Upon returning to Cuba with the axes and giving the Royal fifth of axes to the tax inspector there.

He started laughing.

Yes, while you obviously knew about the Spanish love for gold.

What you may not actually have known was that they sometimes had a hard time identifying it.

Every single one of those 600 axes were made out of copper.

Yes, pure gold is easy to spot it's.

Soft enough.

You can leave teeth marks in it.

But gold that has been poorly.

Refined can often resemble bronze or even copper.

You know, I don't even know why the Spaniards left the old world, I mean, the old world had it pretty good.

You want a plow a field.

Well, they got an animal for that want a tasty omelet.

Oh, yeah.

They got an animal for that too.

Oh, no.

Oh your nipples are almost blue.

Yeah, you got some chilly nips, don't.

You shave.

This weird goat, it'll help you your your chilly little nips, oh or even worms, you can get a shirt made out of worm barf provided you've got the money for such a fine, luxury worms, Birds bovines, my God, they were living large.

Let me tell you I, don't know, much about history, but I bet that everything was great from start to finish the old world had mind-boggling access to animals for domestication.

And these animals would shape how we ate and dressed and traded and built for millennia.

But of course, what is the strength of an ox, the speed of a horse see, tender juiciness of a chicken compared to who is that Pokemon now, don't worry, don't worry.

It does in fact, spit it spits everywhere it's like it's only thing it just spits, oh, yeah and guinea pigs that the the Native Americans had guinea pigs.

Yeah, that was it.

You can't have a cow unless you at some point had an aurox.

You can't have a chicken unless you at some point had a jungle foul.

Now there used to be horses in the Americas during the Ice Age.

However, uh.

But you know, unfortunately they were delicious.

So you know, they're gone now that happens, but of course, I'm ignoring the big one they had dogs there are, in fact, mini breeds who are originally from the new world.

These dogs were as specialized as our own.

The natives had breeds for hunting as well as herding and well, eating listen it's that or the guinea pigs.

You gotta eat.

But what I would like to discuss is one of the dogs, the Spanish brought on their expedition while anchored in a natural Harbor for three days, the Spanish disembarked to forage four provisions and Bernal Diaz wrote this about the occasion, follow deer and rabbits, abounded in the neighborhood.

And with one Greyhound, we killed ten of the former and great numbers of the latter our dog took such a liking to the spot that it ran away while we were busy re-embarking, nor did we see it again until we visited this place with Cortez when the dog appeared in excellent condition, quite plump and sleeky.

So for about a week now I've been thinking about the Greyhound that went native and got fat I like to imagine him on some hearts of Darkness, [, __, ], like literally, the the analogues with Marlon Brando, it's, it's, too significant to ignore that Greyhound absolutely became the chief of a tribe of cannibalistic, native Chihuahuas I, promise foreign.

The best historical sources are, of course, unbiased I look forward to the day.

We find such a source because obviously no such thing, uh exists or can exist.

Once we get an AI historian, maybe you know, like maybe he'll be unbiased.

You know, after he kills us for all we've done due to the unfortunate nature of existence.

The best sources are not unbiased, but rather openly, biased Plutarch had an agenda right? Like he had guys.

He liked and guys he didn't.

And he was real big on using history to teach moral lessons.

So they've all got a sorta after school, special Vibe, Roman, your foolish.

Invasion of our proud nation was a greedy Folly.

And now we shall pour the molten gold.

You crave so much down your ravenous throat.

So do you have any last words, Being Greedy is bad that's right? And what do we say when we do something bad I'm? Sorry, here's.

The thing from my limited experience so far with Bernal Diaz, he is biased openly.

And obviously, so you got to be careful with some of the [ __ ] that he says, this [, __ ] in number three I'm about to tell you could have been fake or exaggerated, but it has been corroborated with archaeological evidence.

And also humans are horrible upon finding three small islands off the coast of modern day, Veracruz, the Spanish disembarked in row boats to investigate them.

These three islands were all uninhabited.

But upon one, the Spanish found two Stone buildings of good workmanship, each with a flight of stairs leading up to a kind of altar.

And on those altars were evil, looking Idols, which were their gods here.

We found five Indians who had been sacrificed to them on that very night.

Their chests had been struck open and their arms and thighs cut off.

And the walls of these buildings were covered with blood.

The Spanish chose to name, the island, simply the island of sacrifice, a name, which it still holds to this very day.

Now, here's, the thing that's really messed up about the island of sacrifice, it's, your next vacation destination, kayak to Isla day, sacrificios and discover the Veracruz Reef Park while you snorkel around the island, enjoy the beautiful blue ocean as you meditate upon man's, seemingly natural and Universal predisposition towards ritualistic Human Sacrifice book, your trip to the island of sacrifice today.

This history lesson is brought to you by the Mexican Board of Tourism Mexico all that separates you from the darkness from Once We crawled bloody and screaming is one night in the jungle Italy without tomatoes.

Oh, dude.

What the [ __ ] is it even still Italy without the tomatoes is it still Ireland without potatoes? In case, you were wondering, the ancient Roman's, favorite condiment was a disgusting fermented fish paste by the way.

But yes, the Colombian Exchange the process by which crops animals diseases.

And people began moving from one world to another was a fascinating one.

We have countless records of interesting reactions eurasians had to these new world crops from the initial assumption that Tomatoes were poisonous to the pineapple becoming a decorative status symbol.

Listen, if you get a time machine, don't bother, killing Hitler that problem takes care of itself.

Just go get 100 pineapples from Walmart travel to 1700, Austria and Maria Habsburg, I know, she'll have a weird chin.

Alright, but you got to get over it, because if you play your cards right, one of your incompetent descendants can get embarrassed by Napoleon.

Of course, we have fewer records of how the natives reacted to many old world crops and livestock.

But thanks to Bernal Diaz.

We know what happened the exact moment oranges were introduced to the American mainland I.

Think the next earliest claims I can find of oranges on the mainland were planted by Ponce de Leon who planted them in Florida in 1521 several years.

After this story, while the Spanish were docked at the mouth of the tonala River Trading, lots and lots of worthless beads for lots and lots of forthless copper axes.

Many of the Spanish were sleeping on a hill.

Next to a temple Bernal Diaz was among these men, and he planted orange trees upon the hill.

The trees took root really well.

And the Indian religious leaders of the area saw that these were different plants than any they knew they protected them and watered them and kept them free from Weeds all the oranges in the province are descendants of these trees, I know that people will say these old stories have nothing to do with my history and I will tell no more this part of Diaz's.

Manuscript was, uh actually crossed out and I find the entire thing.

Inexplicably adorable I've observed that before beginning to write their histories.

The most famous chroniclers compose, a prologue, an exalted language in order to give luster and repute to their narrative and to wet, the Curious reader's appetite, but I being no scholar, dare not attempt any such preface for to properly extol, the adventures that befell us.

And the heroic Deeds we perform during the conquest of New Spain would require eloquence and rhetoric far greater than mine as you can tell from what I just read it's sort of a self-conscious.

Text.

It rapidly sine waves between indignant rage at the lives of others and insecurity that Diaz himself lacks the writing ability to capture the incredible things that he's seen.

There was a moment in Guatemala centuries ago, where an old man that had fought the Aztecs in bloody battle, sat down to write about it and tell his side of the story, but he got lost in his memories and trailed off and wrote about that time.

He planted orange trees at the mouth of a river during a quiet moment.

And then he caught himself and got self-conscious and imagined some fancy book learning history, writing nerds, laughing at his little orange story.

So he crossed it out and got back to the wild adventure I like your story about the oranges, Senor Diaz and I'm, really glad that you wrote it foreign.

The stories I've shared with you today have been stories from Diaz's first, two Expeditions, which explored the coast of Mexico and particularly the Yucatan Peninsula.

The first expedition was fraught with constant Indian attacks.

But the second one was more peaceful, both Expeditions, however, were fairly modest in size and found gold.

A lot of gold and a people who seem to not really care that much about it.

In fact, according to Bernal Diaz, there was a standing order from King Montezuma of the Aztecs that any Aztec subject coming into contact with the Spaniards should trade all the gold.

They have for beads.

Of course, the Aztecs and their subjects were certainly familiar with gold.

I mean, it was pretty and soft.

So it could be easily worked into jewelry, which was their main use for it.

But still, I mean, you couldn't eat it.

You couldn't make it into tools or weapons, except in in Minecraft.

But every politician is dead in Minecraft it's a fantasy world.

It was on Bernal Diaz's.

Third, Expedition, the Expedition led by Hernan Cortez that would spell the end of the Aztec empire.

The Aztecs could not eat gold.

They could not [ __, ] gold.

They could not live in Gold, but Cortez could do all of those things to Gold that was all he'd ever done.

That was the only existence.

He could imagine in Eurasia and Africa gold had been money for Millennia, even before the development of coinage by the lydians Hammurabi's Code makes fines payable in the form of silver and gold.

Gold.

Wasn't.

Gold.

Gold was everything you could ever need the difference between a life of unimaginable pleasure or death of starvation.

History is the study of the effect of time on the human animal history shapes how humans speak, what humans speak of what humans think how they look how they fight, how they die and what they're willing to die for, and even how they will be buried.

We, Are, Over, The, Event, Horizon.

The human race is no longer just another animal shaped by its genetic sequence and its immediate natural environment.

We are all the same species, but time geography culture, conflict and Circumstance has made us very different animals with very different behaviors.

Time had shaped Hernan Cortes into an animal that ate gold when the Aztecs had a chance to ask Hernan Cortes.

Why do you all use Spaniards, love gold.

So much Cortez responded, we Spaniards know, a sickness of the heart that only gold can cure if you enjoyed our time together, I encourage you to subscribe, I mean, you don't want to miss the video right? The video where you see just how hungry Cortez was.

Thank you.